Years ago, I read an article in Training and Development magazine called The Ground Crew. It was written by a man who stayed home with the kids while his wife worked. She was in the training profession and traveled extensively. He picked her up at the airport one night and she immediately started going through a list of questions about whether this got done or that got done. That upset him and he was trying to figure out a way to talk to her about it when he noticed a plane lit up on the ground being serviced by the ground crew. He watched how everyone had a job to do to get the plane ready to take off. Each job was important and necessary. So he explained to her that even though she has lists of things that need to get done while she is gone, her ground crew consisted of one husband, a 6 month old, two twin 3 year old boys and a 6 year old girl.

The article always sticks in my mind because I am like that woman. I have lists of things to do every day and won’t rest until the list is done. Since the list is always there, it is never done. My husband is the opposite of me. He enjoys every bit of his weekend. At 9pm on Sunday night, he decides what part of the list he wants to tackle that can be done in 30 minutes and that is all he will do. This is my ground crew. He is the best ground crew any woman could ever want or need.

Tom has the most beautiful blue eyes. I could and do stare into them for hours. He has salt and pepper hair and either a beard or goatee depending on the season. He treats me like a princess every minute of every day. Tom worked on dairy farm and an agricultural farm as a kid and still has the strong looking hands and forearms to show for it. He is a patient teacher and has shown me how to fish, drive all types of boats, and paddle a canoe. When we hike, he is always pointing out wildlife or animal tracks. When we first starting dating, he went out and bought a used rototiller and tilled my garden. He loves to can what we grow in the garden. It is March and we are still eating bean, carrots, tomatoes, peppers and onions we grew last season.

He built my greenhouse for $125. I watched him draw it on a piece of paper, and assemble it in a weekend. I never saw him measure anything and claimed it couldn’t be level. He showed me it was. I have no idea how he can visualize that and do it. He is just now finishing up my third greenhouse.


He is my support, my rock, and my friend. We laugh together. Sometimes, I swallow the metaphorical feather and I will start laughing and can’t stop. It gets him laughing too. It was a big sacrifice for him to agree to my becoming an apprentice horseshoer. He would have to support both of us. He has never complained about that, no matter how hard it gets. We get along very well together and usually chose to be with each other on the weekends instead of doing things alone or separately.

He loves me unconditionally. We have been married 13 years and he still holds my hand every car trip. He kisses me goodnight before going to sleep, even on the nights we have been grousing at each other. (Like the old joke, we never go to bed mad. We haven’t been to sleep for 3 years!). He cleans a kitchen better than me. (Something about cleaning deck plates on a Navy ship with a toothbrush every time he got in trouble!) He also cooks healthier foods than I do.

Tom is also my voice of wisdom. I will work myself to death. Over this past year, he makes sure I eat when I am too tired to. He makes me stop and rest on my days off. He makes sure I slow down when I work outside so I don’t get heat exhaustion.

He has the patience of a saint. He speaks softly and thoughtfully. He is rarely angry. Being raised by a mom that yelled every day and was unpredictable every day has a lasting effect on my life. Tom is quiet, consistent and dependable. I really need that in my life. When we met, we both just got jobs in boating safety. He has always called me his swab, even though I got promoted to mate when we got married. He always greets me with a pirates “yar matey.” That just makes life so much more fun. I was so lonely until I met Tom. He is truly my other half.

Like the woman in the Ground Crew story, I can get carried away about the list if I am not careful. I work every day at appreciating Tom so I don’t take him for granted. It is easy to complain that something didn’t get done on the list. But sometimes you just have to throw the list aside, lean on the door jam and watch him napping on the sofa with the kitten tucked into his arm. An unlimited supply of hugs is better than the list any day!